Sasa, Mtu Nguyaz (I died a little on the inside as I wrote that, I am not a short-form or slang kinda person. I once asked my mum how she would know I was kidnapped or my phone was stolen and her answer – how you message me). I hope you are fantastic if not bombastic and as cool as the sand on the seashore.
This is a letter to my 15-year-old self. I am a hundred percent sure that I would have started it like that. I’d like to think I was a cool kid and ‘sasa’ was cool folks and the hope (winks) ooooh yeah!! confirms it, right?
You won’t be top 10 in the country in your KCSE exams. No newspaper with your name on it or a swarm of journalists in your grandmothers compound. Not even a cake to celebrate that day. Nothing. Wait, Scratch that. You will lock yourself in a room and cry the entire whole day, have a headache and vow to repeat the exam. However, mama will hear none of it. She will work her ass off to ensure you don’t follow the status quo she had observed in the neighborhood – Pregnant and afraid. Have you guys watched ‘Naked and Afraid’ and the whole time you wondering what the producers aim to achieve. I am always stuck at; then what. It not like clothes will go extinct or be banned like plastic bags. Try watching the show just for the thrill of it though, then maybe we can form a book club. Which reminds me, Is there like a book club where people talk about tea. I would like an exposé on green tea.Damn you, Sohen Nagatani! You will not like green tea.
You won’t be married at 25. Instead you will wear heels higher than your goals which will make your feet numb every single time but you will never learn. However, you my dear self, you will be so proud of your age. You know how growing up ladies embraced the habit of not revealing their age like it was some kind of an abomination. Yes, that won’t affect you in fact you will so eager to say your age every time you introduced yourself. Weird, but you will love yourself for that every time. Just a heads up though, even at 26 you will still be non marié.
You will be an Auditor not a Journalist. You will hide behind Financial Statements and Internal Controls. You will meet new people everyday. Some will fear you because you represent probe which results to change. Change is not palatable to some people hence snake tendencies will grow on you – brand new skin every now and then; THICK SKIN. Some will pamper you with tea, scones and a clean room for you to work in and others will not be so kind. But hey! Hiss all the way to the boardroom and give that true and fair view assurance report baby!
You will meet your dad and live with him and your new-found family. Yes, you are a big sister to four more beautiful kids. Remember in class four, when you were asked to write a composition about My Father and you did not know who it was. Then it hit you that children should have both parents. You went back home crying to shosho and she told you he died. Funny part was that she was so quick with the answer and very descriptive (aligong’wa na lorry akakufa), turns out she didn’t know him either. You grew up with that story that the first time you met him you thought is it was a well-wisher who wanted to pay your school fees. Haha…well, this experience will change you and your perception. You will want the tears you shed previously back but this bitter-lemony life will make lose more tears. And every time you will relate to Alicia Keys lyrics….We’re a blended family (for love), And it’s alright (for love), Said it’s alright!
YOU WILL LOVE WORDS. I guess that is why you are here now. Your interactions will be full of words. You express yourself in so many names and so many words. You will own more than five notebooks at ago and that it okay. If feel it, write it!
Remember how you would cover your mouth while laughing because you had big teeth as a child. Well, you eventually grow into your teeth and your smile will be your biggest asset. I will not exaggerate and say you will move mountains with it but hey, it makes people open up to you so basically that is a mountain moved!
You have conversations with God. More like you babble a lot and He just listens but it is the best conversations you will ever have. It is the only place you can sit still and have answers. Show emotion and no judgement is received. Ask for things and you receive beyond your wildest imaginations. But mostly, be comfortable in the most amazing way possible.
In all honesty, my dear. You grow up and learn that things don’t get better as you age but you become stronger. You are all about spreading positive vibes, smiling to strangers and crying a lot (what is a good laugh without shedding a tear once in a while).
Belt up and embrace every moment.
Love, Older J.